Hayden Panettiere is revealing her past battle with opioids and alcohol.
The 32-year-old actress spoke out in an extensive interview about the young age she first took pills, her daughter Kaya with ex Wladimir Klitschko, and more.
When she was just 15 years old, she recalled a member of her team giving her “happy pills” before red carpets, saying, “They were to make me peppy during interviews. I had no idea that this was not an appropriate thing, or what door that would open for me when it came to my addiction.”
“My saving grace is that I couldn’t be messy while on set and working,” she told People, adding “But things kept getting out of control [off set]. And as I got older, the drugs and alcohol became something I almost couldn’t live without.”
She then was asked about the years she starred on Nashville, where the storylines included addiction and postpartum depression.
“Those were really tough years,” Hayden added. “I could relate to a lot of those storylines like the alcoholism and postpartum depression. They hit close to home.”
“I never had the feeling that I wanted to harm my child, but I didn’t want to spend any time with her,” she said. “There was just this gray color in my life.” She added that she did not drink while pregnant, but fell off the wagon after she gave birth.
She then spoke about her ex, Wladimir Klitschko.
“He didn’t want to be around me,” she added. “I didn’t want to be around me. But with the opiates and alcohol I was doing anything to make me feel happy for a moment. Then I’d feel worse than I did before. I was in a cycle of self-destruction.”
At one of her lowest points, Hayden recalled, “I would have the shakes when I woke up and could only function with sipping alcohol.”
In 2018, Hayden made the difficult choice to send her daughter to live with her dad in his home country of Ukraine.”It was the hardest thing I ever had to do,” she said. “But I wanted to be a good mom to her — and sometimes that means letting them go.”
“Doctors told me my liver was going to give out,” she recalled about a hospital stay where she got jaundice. “I was no longer a 20-year-old who could just bounce right back.”